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Can we talk about gender neutral bathrooms for a minute?
A couple years ago I had a big crush on this girl who quit the company we were working for and decided to start a new project. That project was Safe2pee. It's pretty clever actually, you know, if you're trans, or gender neutral, and you're uncomfortable walking into a bathroom and feeling unsafe. But this got me thinking. Last night I went to a riot grrrl show of sorts and I noticed that they had slapped some signs over the bathroom doors that said "gender neural". It sort of bothered me. Let me explain why:
As a woman who has had enough issues just walking down the street and getting harassed by men, why would I want to go into a bathroom with them? A closed off place that could easily turn into a very nasty situation. We all want to feel safe, but I for one would not feel even remotely safe being in the same bathroom with a man that I don't know. Actually, just the thought sort of really bothers me emotionally. A room that basically pertains to the exposure of our genitals. Using the bathroom is already sort of personal, but add a man to the equation and this is just an awful situation for many women who have had traumatizing experiences (which is a large percentage of the population in this world). I thought about this as i sat in the one stall that was in the men's bathroom feeling nervous that potentially, some random dude could just walk in at any time.
"The drive to ask for this comes from observing violence, harassment, and intimidation that is directed at some people routinely -- transgender people especially -- when they enter public facilities to undertake a basic human function." -http://queeraction.uchicago.edu/bathroomindex.html
See, I get this. I do. And I understand that people should just be more open minded and tolerant of one another. Unfortunately, that's just not the case. The majority of this world has an outdated mentality that needs to be worked on. This just seems like such a backwards idea to me. Bathrooms should be open for anyone so no one feels unsafe, but that leaves a large chunk of us feeling extremely unsafe. I just don't think this is a very well thought out idea. I personally like the idea of being all inclusive, but overall, we're just not there yet. As women, we are brought up to be alert and to make sure our surroundings are safe - which is an unfortunate circumstance in itself. But it happens for a reason. We're still so far behind and there is still great reason to be alert and be aware. Having gender neutral bathrooms sounds like a wonderful idea, but is that for everyone, or just those who refer to themselves as "gender neutral"?
8 comments:
I totally agree. Last year at the Hamilton Anarchist Bookfair the bathrooms were gender neutral and I felt sorta uncomfortable. There was a man peeing in a stall who was tall enough to see over the walls. He had a weird demeanor as it was, and I waited for what seemed like forever for him to leave so I could pee in peace without being afraid he'd be able to see me.
I see why people would think it was a good idea, but there are too many issues with it when it makes women targets for sexual assault and general uncomfortable-ness.
i'm in the air with you on this too. i think what also bothers me is that there are so many places with two individual bathrooms that are for specific genders. if you're alone in there, why does it matter how you're peeing? i'm not stoked on the idea of "mingling" with dudes while i pee, but i am totally willing to warm the seat for one.
Mayzie - See this is what I was thinking too. As long as it's one of those bathrooms that's for a single person at a time - well, duh of course that makes sense and I totally support that. No need for male/female figures. But as for multi stalls, well... I don't know. That's where what chantal said comes into question.
Chantal - that's exactly what I mean. The fact that the doors aren't always secure (and like it would be so hard to open the door if you really wanted to anyway, or just slip under, or look over) just makes me feel really weird. I don't like being around sketchy dudes in public with a bunch of people around, why would I want them in this private setting where potentially we could be left alone? Yikes.
Oh I totally agree. In the case of bathrooms and genders, "separate IS equal" because there is a legitimate public welfare concern that there could be (and WILL be) assault going on in multi stall bathrooms shared by men and women. I understand the mentality of wanting to move past gender identifications, but as you said, most of the world does not have such a liberal mindset. Separating the genders' bathrooms is frankly PRO-women, because it creates a safe environment for women. I would say the vast majority of women would not feel comfortable sharing a bathroom area with a man, so why make us?
Sarah - Yes! Exactly! I love this quote
"Separating the genders' bathrooms is frankly PRO-women, because it creates a safe environment for women." because it's so right on.
Also, a good point brought up by another friend is the fact that by creating gender neutral bathrooms, we are in fact, basically saying that trans people are neither men nor women which is such a great point to make.
I hate that idea! Frankly, I hate having to pee next to even another person of the same gender. I find public restrooms uncomfortable enough already! I'm all for just making them more like individual "bathrooms" and not stalls. I HATE the tiny stalls with giant cracks in them. One time I looked up and saw a little girl staring at me through the crack between the stall wall and the door! REALLY!?!? Mom where you AT?! But honestly, I don't think its practical--men's restrooms are full of urinals, while women need more stalls since we gotta strip to drip ...
YVETTE I MISS YOU. I miss you and the way you talk because even though we haven't seen each other face to face in SO long, we still speak the same way, haha! WHERE YOU AT?! We should find some time to get together soon.
Also, dude, I feel the same way. I didn't mention it but I have this crazy public bathroom phobia. First of all, I hate being in the public bathroom alone (though I don't like being in it with other people either) because I feel like something is going to get me. Something is going to lock the door and MURDER ME. Also, I have vivd nightmares ALL THE TIME about the walls being gone and me just having to pee in front of everyone (or even worse.. you know.. poop) eek!
Listen, I'm shy enough blowing the butt trumpet in a public restroom full of men. If there were ladies in there, too, I'd suffer even worse anxiety. I don't want to be heard shitting, see. It makes me uncomfortable.
So as far as "gender neutral" restrooms go -- no thank you. The notion strikes me as naive and ridiculous. Who the hell has a neutral gender? I'm with Kurt Vonnegut on this one, believing there is a broad spectrum when it comes to gender. I've always liked this passage in Slaughterhouse-Five:
"One of the biggest moral bombshells handed to Billy by the Tralfamadorians, incidentally, had to do with sex on Earth. They said their flying-saucer crews had identified no fewer than *seven* sexes on Earth, each essential to reproduction. Again: Billy couldn't possibly imagine what five of those seven sexes had to do with the making of a baby, since they were sexually active only in the fourth dimension."
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